Monday, April 11, 2022
Ann Tarlton
From Lenten Darkness to Easter Light
As I sat in church last Sunday I was sadly aware that my thoughts were all over the place…..Covid’s chaotic disruption of our lives, of our meeting in community, of our general well-being, of the darkness that has quietly crept into and interfered with our daily activities. I know that, for me, I have felt like my ember of faith has gotten so far away from the fire that it has almost threatened to lose its heat, it’s fire.
Covid not only forced me into separations that I didn’t want, it has left me feeling that I have lost my sense of purpose, as I was not allowed to continue my work in the Behavioral Health Unit of the Portsmouth Hospital, or be of help to the many people I care for. And, yet, somehow I have managed to focus on the silver linings that have accompanied me during these so very hard times. Why?
I suspect that this is because, for all of the feelings of darkness during these past 12 months, there have also been amazing bursts of love and light….new friends, learning to ask for help, learning to accept help with grace when offered, learning to be dependent and what that feels like, deeper relationships and finally being able to return to my work in the BHU……where darkness prevails.
Oh my! It is heart-breaking to visit with patients who have lost or hidden their souls due to childhood abuse, or souls lost to addictions or mental illnesses and what a privilege it is to be trusted enough that a stranger is willing to bare his/her soul to me. And what a gift it is to be able to bring a smile to their face and ultimately to be able to ask them if they have ever heard of unconditional love and forgiveness…..slowly and carefully wandering towards the word God.
I find myself slow to use God’s name but quick to talk about a higher power, creation and its creator or universal love……as my hope and prayer is that, during our conversation, God will use me to invite my patient into a membership of His community of beloved children. I always tell them that they are beloved children of….and that they were created for a purpose and that part of life’s journey is about becoming the person they were created to be. This is where the tears often begin and I then personally invite them into the possibility of accepting the gift of God’s unconditional love, forgiveness and purpose.
Sitting across from these beautiful people has made me so aware of the darkness in which they live as opposed to the light in which I live, most of the time…. That light comes from knowing that I am a beloved child of God, that I am forgiven for….and that someday I will go home to God as a friend and not as a stranger. I know that the darkness of Christ’s crucifixion on Good Friday will culminate in the light of His resurrection on Easter. I pray my patients find this message acceptable and that they leave the BHU with hope…..and with the knowledge that they are never alone. May their Good Friday end in new life.